1
00:00:04,271 --> 00:00:06,339
(humming)
2
00:00:08,023 --> 00:00:09,632
D'oh!
3
00:00:09,666 --> 00:00:10,820
(tires screeching)
4
00:00:10,854 --> 00:00:12,533
(grunts)
5
00:00:13,671 --> 00:00:14,677
(grunting)
6
00:00:15,727 --> 00:00:16,732
(grunting)
7
00:00:17,772 --> 00:00:18,778
(grunting)
8
00:00:19,906 --> 00:00:20,915
(grunting)
9
00:00:22,971 --> 00:00:24,341
Huh?
10
00:00:24,375 --> 00:00:26,214
Ay, caramba!
11
00:00:26,215 --> 00:00:30,215
♪ The Simpsons 26x17 ♪
Waiting for Duffman
Original Air Date on March 15, 2015
12
00:00:30,216 --> 00:00:36,716
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
13
00:00:36,907 --> 00:00:38,275
(chuckles)
14
00:00:38,309 --> 00:00:39,719
I haven't ridden
a bike
15
00:00:39,753 --> 00:00:42,154
since Lance Armstrong
was a good guy.
16
00:00:42,188 --> 00:00:45,230
Geez, Lis, you're riding the
girliest bike in the world.
17
00:00:46,777 --> 00:00:48,649
Ooh, I stand
corrected.
18
00:00:48,683 --> 00:00:50,019
(hums)
19
00:00:50,053 --> 00:00:52,020
Hey, dipwad,
bikes only.
20
00:00:52,054 --> 00:00:54,653
I need to pay
my water bill.
21
00:00:54,687 --> 00:00:56,661
Not on motorized
transport, you don't.
22
00:00:56,695 --> 00:01:00,099
What you need to get
is out of our way.
23
00:01:00,133 --> 00:01:01,340
Yeah,
bikes win again!
24
00:01:01,374 --> 00:01:02,838
(train toots)
25
00:01:02,872 --> 00:01:04,608
Trains win again!
26
00:01:04,642 --> 00:01:09,451
When will you people give up
your dependence on handlebars?
27
00:01:09,485 --> 00:01:12,054
Quite a
Schwinn-dig, eh?
28
00:01:12,095 --> 00:01:13,589
Shut up,
biking Flanders.
29
00:01:13,623 --> 00:01:15,628
(bicycle bell dings)
30
00:01:15,662 --> 00:01:17,631
Chief, no, don't go
in the doughnut shop!
31
00:01:17,665 --> 00:01:19,473
Your pants are
too tight!
32
00:01:19,507 --> 00:01:21,515
Oh, I'm just gonna
eat one little...
33
00:01:27,798 --> 00:01:30,600
Drinkers, if you go
on the wagon,
34
00:01:30,634 --> 00:01:33,343
make sure it's
the Duff Beer Wagon.
35
00:01:33,377 --> 00:01:35,416
Oh, yeah!
36
00:01:37,155 --> 00:01:39,617
Duffman, how about
a 21-thrust salute
37
00:01:39,659 --> 00:01:41,225
to America's
military?
38
00:01:41,259 --> 00:01:44,226
My hips are proud
to honor our endless war.
39
00:01:44,260 --> 00:01:46,626
One, two, three...
40
00:01:46,660 --> 00:01:48,267
(cracking)
Ow, God!
41
00:01:48,302 --> 00:01:50,134
Something's wrong
with Barry.
42
00:01:50,168 --> 00:01:52,809
Never use...
my mortal name in public.
43
00:01:54,677 --> 00:01:56,247
I have very troubling news.
44
00:01:56,289 --> 00:01:57,721
(chuckles)
45
00:01:57,755 --> 00:02:00,556
Duffman is undergoing
hip replacement surgery.
46
00:02:00,598 --> 00:02:03,503
Now, Barry will be fine,
but as of this moment
47
00:02:03,537 --> 00:02:05,336
there is no Duffman.
48
00:02:05,370 --> 00:02:06,441
(gasping)
49
00:02:06,475 --> 00:02:08,074
They came for Joe Camel,
50
00:02:08,108 --> 00:02:09,480
and I said nothing.
51
00:02:09,514 --> 00:02:11,684
They came for the Frito Bandito,
52
00:02:11,725 --> 00:02:13,692
and still I said nothing.
53
00:02:13,726 --> 00:02:15,125
So what are you
saying now?
54
00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:16,527
About what?
55
00:02:16,561 --> 00:02:18,569
(humming)
56
00:02:21,540 --> 00:02:22,540
(groans)
57
00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:23,711
(humming)
58
00:02:23,745 --> 00:02:26,817
KENT BROCKMAN:
Duffman, the man, has retired.
59
00:02:26,851 --> 00:02:29,050
But Duffman, the idea, endures.
60
00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:31,059
Authorities are unsure
whether the empty bottles
61
00:02:31,093 --> 00:02:32,492
are a beautiful tribute
62
00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:34,526
or just drunks too lazy
to find a trash can.
63
00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:36,799
Either way,
the Duff Corporation announces
64
00:02:36,833 --> 00:02:38,368
an open televised competition
65
00:02:38,402 --> 00:02:41,675
to find out who will be
the next Duffman.
66
00:02:41,709 --> 00:02:44,308
In other news,
the Chinese land on Mars.
67
00:02:44,350 --> 00:02:45,716
Also, no more elephants.
68
00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:48,583
Now, for more cool,
refreshing news...
69
00:02:50,257 --> 00:02:53,760
Marge, what would you think
if I tried out to be Duffman?
70
00:02:53,793 --> 00:02:55,761
I know why you want
to be Duffman.
71
00:02:55,795 --> 00:02:59,867
It's so you can drink free beer
and get shnockered all day.
72
00:02:59,901 --> 00:03:02,870
Sure, I admit I get "shnockered"
once in a while.
73
00:03:02,912 --> 00:03:05,880
I might have been "lacquered"
from time to time.
74
00:03:05,914 --> 00:03:09,281
I may have, how you say, had
a subconjunctival hemorrhage.
75
00:03:09,315 --> 00:03:11,218
(chuckles)
76
00:03:14,432 --> 00:03:16,231
But this isn't
about that.
77
00:03:16,266 --> 00:03:17,898
Then what is this about?
78
00:03:17,932 --> 00:03:21,307
Marge, if I died today,
the obituary would read,
79
00:03:21,341 --> 00:03:25,309
"H. Simpson, father of three,
extra pallbearers needed."
80
00:03:25,343 --> 00:03:28,581
Being Duffman would give me
another line.
81
00:03:28,616 --> 00:03:30,750
Okay, sweetie, you can try.
82
00:03:30,784 --> 00:03:32,750
Great, but it won't
be easy.
83
00:03:32,792 --> 00:03:34,759
I got to start
practicing now.
84
00:03:34,793 --> 00:03:37,826
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Ow!
85
00:03:37,860 --> 00:03:41,202
(theme music playing)
86
00:03:46,510 --> 00:03:47,941
ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,
87
00:03:47,975 --> 00:03:51,245
your hostess,
the inescapable Cat Deeley.
88
00:03:51,279 --> 00:03:53,245
Are you ready to find out
89
00:03:53,279 --> 00:03:56,412
who will be America's
next Duffman?
90
00:03:56,454 --> 00:03:57,419
Yes, Cat, yes!
91
00:03:57,453 --> 00:03:59,020
A million times, yes!
92
00:03:59,054 --> 00:04:01,653
America's next Duffman
will be selected
93
00:04:01,687 --> 00:04:05,454
by the planet's foremost experts
in the field of party starting--
94
00:04:05,488 --> 00:04:07,988
best-selling electronica artist,
95
00:04:08,022 --> 00:04:10,586
Der Zip Zorp.
96
00:04:10,620 --> 00:04:13,793
Former Duff Girl and current
senator from Oklahoma,
97
00:04:13,828 --> 00:04:15,793
the Honorable
Missy LeBeau.
98
00:04:15,827 --> 00:04:18,759
I look reasonable, but I'm not.
99
00:04:18,793 --> 00:04:21,757
And billionaire
Mumbai entrepreneur,
100
00:04:21,799 --> 00:04:23,364
Rajneesh Superstar.
101
00:04:23,398 --> 00:04:25,796
Bottle service, ballers!
102
00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:28,330
(audience cheers)
103
00:04:28,364 --> 00:04:30,969
Now let's welcome the Chairman
of Duff Industries,
104
00:04:31,003 --> 00:04:33,334
Mr. H.K. Duff VII.
105
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:36,966
Thank you, Cat.
106
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,608
I just want to say,
107
00:04:38,642 --> 00:04:41,009
if we can't find ourselves
a Duffman out of this group,
108
00:04:41,043 --> 00:04:43,446
then maybe we'll just give up
on the concept.
109
00:04:43,487 --> 00:04:44,655
Brilliant!
110
00:04:44,689 --> 00:04:47,392
Now, let's find
our Duffman.
111
00:04:47,426 --> 00:04:50,128
♪ I'm... coming up ♪
112
00:04:50,162 --> 00:04:52,897
♪ So you better get
this party started ♪
113
00:04:52,931 --> 00:04:57,372
♪ I'm... coming up... ♪
114
00:04:57,406 --> 00:04:59,004
Oh, yeah!
115
00:04:59,038 --> 00:05:01,844
My two favorite words aside
from "Seacrest passed,"
116
00:05:01,878 --> 00:05:03,372
can I get an "Oh, yeah"?
117
00:05:04,382 --> 00:05:06,949
Oh, ja.
118
00:05:06,983 --> 00:05:08,916
(crowd jeering)
119
00:05:08,950 --> 00:05:09,950
Oh, yes.
120
00:05:09,981 --> 00:05:11,818
(jeering)
121
00:05:11,852 --> 00:05:12,852
Ach.
122
00:05:12,853 --> 00:05:14,555
NELSON:
Haw-haw.
123
00:05:14,589 --> 00:05:16,786
♪ Vo-de-oh-doh-doh. ♪
124
00:05:16,820 --> 00:05:18,224
(jeering)
125
00:05:18,258 --> 00:05:20,287
Oh, yeah!
126
00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:21,686
(crowd cheering)
127
00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:26,427
♪ I'm... coming up ♪
128
00:05:26,461 --> 00:05:30,592
♪ So you better get
this party started ♪
129
00:05:30,626 --> 00:05:33,527
♪ I'm... coming up ♪
130
00:05:33,561 --> 00:05:34,760
♪ So you better get... ♪
131
00:05:34,794 --> 00:05:36,896
Did you miss me?
132
00:05:36,930 --> 00:05:39,103
Like Mexico misses California.
133
00:05:39,137 --> 00:05:40,535
It's down to two.
134
00:05:40,569 --> 00:05:42,935
And before revealing
our results,
135
00:05:42,969 --> 00:05:47,111
former Duffman, Barry Huffman,
is here to wish you luck.
136
00:05:48,976 --> 00:05:51,941
I was told
there would be morphine.
137
00:05:51,975 --> 00:05:53,812
Oh, yeah.
138
00:05:55,379 --> 00:05:59,347
Homer, any last thoughts
on what Duff means to you?
139
00:05:59,381 --> 00:06:01,348
Without Duff, I wouldn't
have have brought
140
00:06:01,390 --> 00:06:03,956
three beautiful children
into the world.
141
00:06:03,990 --> 00:06:04,956
That's right, man.
142
00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:05,956
We're beer babies.
143
00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:07,385
AUDIENCE:
Aw...
144
00:06:07,427 --> 00:06:09,223
(groans)
145
00:06:09,257 --> 00:06:10,852
The judges are
conferring.
146
00:06:10,886 --> 00:06:12,851
(discussing)
147
00:06:12,892 --> 00:06:15,456
We have our decision.
148
00:06:15,490 --> 00:06:17,486
Karma is in the
house, dawg!
149
00:06:21,157 --> 00:06:23,553
Homer, your words
were beautiful.
150
00:06:23,587 --> 00:06:25,563
That is exactly why
151
00:06:25,597 --> 00:06:29,195
you're America's
Next Top Duffman...
152
00:06:29,229 --> 00:06:30,194
runner-up!
153
00:06:30,229 --> 00:06:31,594
(cheers)
154
00:06:31,635 --> 00:06:32,801
(groans)
155
00:06:32,835 --> 00:06:36,800
The real winner is
America's new hero--
156
00:06:36,834 --> 00:06:38,800
contestant number 12!
157
00:06:38,841 --> 00:06:41,670
(dance music playing)
158
00:06:49,449 --> 00:06:51,248
(making alarmed
computer noises)
159
00:06:51,282 --> 00:06:52,682
What is it,
Der Zip Zorp?
160
00:06:55,461 --> 00:06:57,259
Olde Ogdenville Ale?
161
00:06:57,293 --> 00:06:58,660
He drinks
a competitor.
162
00:06:58,694 --> 00:06:59,694
Reverse the confetti.
163
00:07:01,134 --> 00:07:02,930
And check the fat guy
for tattoos.
164
00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:06,328
Just one that says
"Marge Madness."
165
00:07:06,369 --> 00:07:09,998
These reality shows really
leave you no privacy.
166
00:07:10,032 --> 00:07:12,834
Well, I guess that
makes this guy Duffman.
167
00:07:12,868 --> 00:07:15,129
Ooh, ooh, ooh,
do I get the confetti?!
168
00:07:15,171 --> 00:07:16,505
One confettus.
169
00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:19,471
Ow!
170
00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:20,471
I mean...
(whoops)
171
00:07:20,505 --> 00:07:21,935
I mean, oh, yeah!
172
00:07:27,904 --> 00:07:29,906
♪ ♪
173
00:07:32,717 --> 00:07:34,712
(squawking)
174
00:07:45,019 --> 00:07:46,681
(squawks)
175
00:07:59,866 --> 00:08:02,398
That's how we'll tell the
trades you got the job.
176
00:08:02,432 --> 00:08:04,396
Seems awfully
overproduced.
177
00:08:04,430 --> 00:08:05,835
Just take the oath.
178
00:08:08,436 --> 00:08:12,000
Night gathers, and now
my Duff watch begins.
179
00:08:12,035 --> 00:08:13,999
It shall not end
until my death.
180
00:08:14,041 --> 00:08:16,733
Or my 13-week option
is not picked up.
181
00:08:16,775 --> 00:08:20,473
I shall take no wife, hold no
lands, and father no children,
182
00:08:20,507 --> 00:08:23,135
except for the wife and house
and kids I'm already stuck with.
183
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:26,570
I shall wear
no other beer's crowns.
184
00:08:26,604 --> 00:08:30,164
I am the six-pack hidden
in Daddy's secret cabinet.
185
00:08:30,198 --> 00:08:32,600
I put the "fest" in Oktoberfest
186
00:08:32,634 --> 00:08:35,227
and sell for eight bucks
at ballparks,
187
00:08:35,261 --> 00:08:39,064
though I have nothing to offer
but my suds, head and beers,
188
00:08:39,098 --> 00:08:41,065
and promotional cozies,
189
00:08:41,099 --> 00:08:44,107
for this night
and all the nights to come.
190
00:08:52,313 --> 00:08:55,275
MAN: When life looks
hopeless, it's not.
191
00:08:55,309 --> 00:08:59,681
♪ Duff Beer, feeling no pain ♪
192
00:08:59,715 --> 00:09:03,682
♪ Made from Canadian rain ♪
193
00:09:03,716 --> 00:09:07,780
♪ Tastes like nickel champagne ♪
194
00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:11,984
♪ It will tickle your brain ♪
195
00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:15,988
♪ Duff Beer, feeling no pain ♪
196
00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:19,630
♪ Made from Canadian rain. ♪
197
00:09:19,664 --> 00:09:23,263
And here's a painting of
my ancestor Ichabod Duff,
198
00:09:23,304 --> 00:09:25,670
crossing the
Duffaware River.
199
00:09:25,703 --> 00:09:27,500
Ah, hell, this
is all BS.
200
00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:30,139
Duffman was a fascist icon
my grandfather repurposed
201
00:09:30,173 --> 00:09:32,768
'cause he couldn't get the damn
rights to Woody Woodpecker.
202
00:09:32,802 --> 00:09:35,367
Mr. Duff, can I ask
what's in this safe?
203
00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:38,804
Little lady, inside that safe
is the formula for Duff itself,
204
00:09:38,838 --> 00:09:40,802
known only
to three people--
205
00:09:40,836 --> 00:09:44,437
me, Condoleezza Rice,
and my brother-in-law Terry.
206
00:09:44,471 --> 00:09:47,431
And the combination is
not known to any human...
207
00:09:47,465 --> 00:09:49,028
Uh, what the...?
208
00:09:49,070 --> 00:09:51,032
"Schlitz plus water."
209
00:09:51,066 --> 00:09:53,660
Why don't you kids run off
and play in the bottle cap pit?
210
00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:55,657
Don't cut yourselves!
211
00:09:55,699 --> 00:09:57,927
Mr. Duff, I want
to say something.
212
00:09:57,961 --> 00:09:59,924
I'm proud of
my husband,
213
00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:02,963
but I'm not sure if this is
something Homie should be doing.
214
00:10:02,997 --> 00:10:04,827
Just what do you mean?
215
00:10:04,869 --> 00:10:07,466
Well, aren't you
making him a superhero
216
00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:09,465
so that beer looks
cool to kids?
217
00:10:09,499 --> 00:10:12,104
(laughs)
218
00:10:12,138 --> 00:10:13,503
Uh, Marge,
219
00:10:13,537 --> 00:10:15,639
let me tell you a little
something about beer.
220
00:10:15,673 --> 00:10:18,271
Do you know why man stopped
running around,
221
00:10:18,313 --> 00:10:20,940
lassoing mastodons,
and became civilized?
222
00:10:20,974 --> 00:10:22,139
No.
223
00:10:22,173 --> 00:10:24,538
So he could grow hops
and make beer.
224
00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:26,513
It's true.
Oh.
225
00:10:26,547 --> 00:10:29,144
Our beer has helped people
celebrate weddings.
226
00:10:29,178 --> 00:10:30,543
Enjoy a good game.
227
00:10:30,577 --> 00:10:32,540
Ease the pain
of a lost loved one.
228
00:10:32,582 --> 00:10:35,543
That's the tradition
your husband will inherit.
229
00:10:35,577 --> 00:10:38,175
Geez, now you make
me want to drink it.
230
00:10:38,217 --> 00:10:40,615
Attagirl,
have a designer bag.
231
00:10:40,649 --> 00:10:44,018
Now, Homer, there is one thing
we needed to do in private.
232
00:10:44,052 --> 00:10:45,052
Okay, what...?
233
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:46,061
Ow!
234
00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:47,463
Hey, that's not my butt!
235
00:10:47,497 --> 00:10:49,066
We've injected
a chip in you
236
00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:50,499
that detects
the slightest presence
237
00:10:50,541 --> 00:10:52,142
of alcohol
in your blood.
238
00:10:52,176 --> 00:10:54,480
You see, Duffman cannot drink.
239
00:10:54,514 --> 00:10:57,543
(laughing):
What? That's funny.
240
00:10:57,585 --> 00:10:59,984
I thought you just said
that Duffman can't drink.
241
00:11:00,018 --> 00:11:01,385
(laughs)
242
00:11:01,419 --> 00:11:03,016
But that would
be crazy.
243
00:11:03,058 --> 00:11:04,752
They all fight it at first.
244
00:11:04,794 --> 00:11:06,760
(laughs)
245
00:11:06,794 --> 00:11:09,893
You wouldn't tell Batman
he couldn't eat bats.
246
00:11:09,927 --> 00:11:12,092
When you're Duffman,
you're at work, Homer.
247
00:11:12,126 --> 00:11:15,195
You wouldn't go to the nuclear
plant drunk, would you?
248
00:11:15,229 --> 00:11:17,193
Uh...
249
00:11:17,227 --> 00:11:19,032
Well, uh...
250
00:11:19,066 --> 00:11:21,863
My husband won't have
any problem not drinking.
251
00:11:21,897 --> 00:11:23,493
Yeah...
252
00:11:23,535 --> 00:11:25,496
The only reason he wanted
to become Duffman
253
00:11:25,530 --> 00:11:27,320
was to be respected
and beloved.
254
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:29,146
Uh...
255
00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:32,981
And what better way to do that
than to be stone-cold sober?
256
00:11:33,015 --> 00:11:34,381
(moans)
257
00:11:34,415 --> 00:11:36,387
When my husband put
on that costume,
258
00:11:36,421 --> 00:11:38,386
he didn't just put
on a sleeveless shirt
259
00:11:38,419 --> 00:11:42,016
that says "Duff" on it
and a cape for some reason,
260
00:11:42,058 --> 00:11:44,027
he put on
responsibility.
261
00:11:44,061 --> 00:11:47,428
And boots that I don't think
will hold up in the rain.
262
00:11:47,462 --> 00:11:50,267
But the point is--
it's not about being drunk,
263
00:11:50,301 --> 00:11:52,900
it's about
being someone.
264
00:11:52,934 --> 00:11:54,900
You're right, Marge.
265
00:11:54,941 --> 00:11:59,539
I will do something no one has
ever done-- be fun sober.
266
00:11:59,573 --> 00:12:01,976
What a crisp
and refreshing attitude.
267
00:12:04,274 --> 00:12:07,144
Hey, this stuff
is pretty good.
268
00:12:11,116 --> 00:12:13,122
Mmm, foamy Marge.
269
00:12:13,156 --> 00:12:15,155
(babbling)
270
00:12:16,325 --> 00:12:17,723
Uh, that's the chip.
271
00:12:17,757 --> 00:12:18,891
No drinking.
272
00:12:18,925 --> 00:12:21,730
I was licking my wife.
273
00:12:21,764 --> 00:12:24,731
Can you believe they
put a chip in my arm,
274
00:12:24,765 --> 00:12:26,130
and I can't
drink beer?
275
00:12:26,172 --> 00:12:28,370
Ah.
Ah, gee, tough break.
276
00:12:28,404 --> 00:12:30,371
Maybe Moe could dig it out
with a corkscrew.
277
00:12:30,405 --> 00:12:31,769
Yeah.
278
00:12:31,803 --> 00:12:33,608
Oh, I would love that,
Homer, I really would.
279
00:12:33,642 --> 00:12:36,039
But then Duff might take away
my neon sign,
280
00:12:36,073 --> 00:12:38,439
and, uh, it's the only thing
lighting the bar.
281
00:12:38,481 --> 00:12:40,246
BARNEY:
Whoa, creepy.
282
00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:43,643
(Bart and Lisa laugh
mischievously)
283
00:12:43,677 --> 00:12:46,315
Stop shooting those
at each other.
284
00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:49,787
Relax, honey, no one's ever
been killed by a T-shirt cannon.
285
00:12:57,999 --> 00:13:01,962
Oh, no, it's
the 5:00 blahs.
286
00:13:01,996 --> 00:13:04,958
CLOCKS:
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
287
00:13:04,992 --> 00:13:07,429
Help us,
Duffman!
288
00:13:07,463 --> 00:13:08,429
(laughs heroically)
289
00:13:08,463 --> 00:13:09,429
(screams)
290
00:13:09,463 --> 00:13:11,429
Drink Duff!
291
00:13:11,471 --> 00:13:13,330
(crowd cheers)
292
00:13:13,364 --> 00:13:15,327
Care to team up
with Fruit Batman?
293
00:13:15,369 --> 00:13:18,428
I'm thinking of dumping
Kid Sourpuss here.
294
00:13:18,462 --> 00:13:19,627
I'm a hero.
295
00:13:19,670 --> 00:13:22,299
Oh, I can see my obituary now.
296
00:13:23,699 --> 00:13:25,938
Wow. Wow.
297
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:29,141
COMMENTATOR: Watkins putting
for the championship.
298
00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:32,582
It's breaking towards the hole.
299
00:13:32,616 --> 00:13:36,181
Time to move from the links
to the drinks!
300
00:13:36,215 --> 00:13:37,853
(cheering)
301
00:13:47,297 --> 00:13:49,663
Well, if you guys
like commercials,
302
00:13:49,698 --> 00:13:51,306
you're gonna love this.
303
00:13:51,340 --> 00:13:53,771
Wait, we never said
we liked commercials.
304
00:13:53,805 --> 00:13:55,475
♪ Drink, drink ♪
305
00:13:55,509 --> 00:13:57,347
♪ Let the toast start ♪
306
00:13:57,381 --> 00:14:00,042
♪ May young hearts never part ♪
307
00:14:00,084 --> 00:14:02,144
♪ Drink, drink, drink ♪
308
00:14:02,178 --> 00:14:05,048
♪ Let every true lover
salute his sweetheart... ♪
309
00:14:05,082 --> 00:14:08,820
♪ Drink, drink, drink to... ♪
310
00:14:10,495 --> 00:14:14,063
H.K., this new Duffman is
driving sales straight up.
311
00:14:14,097 --> 00:14:16,303
Turns out, men like men
who look worse than them
312
00:14:16,337 --> 00:14:17,902
selling them beer.
313
00:14:17,937 --> 00:14:21,574
Why did it take us 142 years
to discover this?
314
00:14:21,608 --> 00:14:24,237
Because executives are
incompetent, sir?
315
00:14:24,271 --> 00:14:26,172
Well, then why do I have
so many?
316
00:14:26,206 --> 00:14:28,811
Studies show when a decision
is made by a group,
317
00:14:28,845 --> 00:14:30,411
everyone feels
more confident,
318
00:14:30,445 --> 00:14:32,841
even though the decision
could be incredibly stupid.
319
00:14:32,883 --> 00:14:34,049
Is this true?
320
00:14:34,083 --> 00:14:35,480
(affirming)
321
00:14:35,514 --> 00:14:36,680
Can't argue
with that.
322
00:14:36,716 --> 00:14:37,716
What do you
guys think?
323
00:14:37,717 --> 00:14:39,684
(affirming)
324
00:14:39,726 --> 00:14:42,524
Did I hear a no
from section C-72?
325
00:14:42,558 --> 00:14:45,152
Oh, uh, no, that was
a, uh, "whoa!"
326
00:14:45,193 --> 00:14:46,559
(chuckling):
Oh.
327
00:14:46,593 --> 00:14:48,221
Give the whole
lower bowl a raise.
328
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,687
Uh, welcome
aboard, Duffman.
329
00:14:52,722 --> 00:14:54,686
Fair warning
now-- at the end,
330
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:57,690
I just might ask for an
autograph for my son.
331
00:14:57,724 --> 00:14:59,521
Here you go--
they're all pre-signed.
332
00:14:59,555 --> 00:15:00,519
With nicknames.
333
00:15:00,553 --> 00:15:02,852
Buddy, Sport, Tiger, Red.
334
00:15:02,886 --> 00:15:04,490
Uh, give me a "Red."
335
00:15:04,524 --> 00:15:05,889
I'll start calling
him that now,
336
00:15:05,923 --> 00:15:07,889
and then give it to
him on his birthday.
337
00:15:07,922 --> 00:15:09,888
Now, where to, sir?
338
00:15:09,922 --> 00:15:11,528
Oh, this is a romantic night.
339
00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:13,160
How about everywhere?
340
00:15:13,194 --> 00:15:14,561
All right.
341
00:15:14,595 --> 00:15:17,201
Navigator, set a course
for everywhere.
342
00:15:17,235 --> 00:15:18,369
Where the hell is that?
343
00:15:18,403 --> 00:15:19,968
I said everywhere!
344
00:15:21,305 --> 00:15:23,702
Now, Homer, look
through the beeriscope,
345
00:15:23,736 --> 00:15:25,704
and gaze upon
the wonderful world
346
00:15:25,738 --> 00:15:28,242
that you and Duff
have created.
347
00:15:43,791 --> 00:15:46,386
Captain, it never
dawned on me
348
00:15:46,420 --> 00:15:48,385
beer could have
such a dark side.
349
00:15:48,427 --> 00:15:51,119
You must be talking
about new Duff Stout.
350
00:15:51,161 --> 00:15:52,126
Take us down.
351
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,758
I have to think.
352
00:15:53,792 --> 00:15:56,389
To be honest, you said
you wanted to go everywhere.
353
00:15:56,431 --> 00:15:59,028
So we ran out of fuel
an hour ago,
354
00:15:59,062 --> 00:16:01,027
but I didn't want
to disappoint you,
355
00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:03,594
so I will toss down
a tow rope.
356
00:16:06,067 --> 00:16:08,903
Hey, come here. Man...
357
00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:13,474
Uh... this is
not good.
358
00:16:14,757 --> 00:16:16,355
(sighs) Marge,
do you ever worry
359
00:16:16,389 --> 00:16:19,260
that you made
a giant mistake in your life?
360
00:16:19,294 --> 00:16:21,259
Oh, um...
361
00:16:21,293 --> 00:16:23,025
I need a little context.
362
00:16:23,059 --> 00:16:26,031
Not drinking beer has given me
the clearness of mind
363
00:16:26,065 --> 00:16:29,029
to realize
drinking beer is bad.
364
00:16:29,063 --> 00:16:31,099
I've got to undo
what I've done.
365
00:16:31,133 --> 00:16:33,232
Hey, how you doing?
366
00:16:37,495 --> 00:16:41,099
Is this the most outrageous
party you've ever been to?
367
00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:42,930
(cheering, affirming)
368
00:16:42,963 --> 00:16:44,568
Well, guess what.
369
00:16:44,602 --> 00:16:48,427
You've all been served nothing
but nonalcoholic Duff.
370
00:16:48,469 --> 00:16:49,959
(spectators gasping)
371
00:16:50,001 --> 00:16:52,765
BARNEY: Then why am I
throwing up right now?
372
00:16:52,799 --> 00:16:54,427
As Duffman, I had the power
373
00:16:54,461 --> 00:16:57,095
to switch the beer trucks
working this race.
374
00:17:02,302 --> 00:17:04,267
(screams)
375
00:17:04,301 --> 00:17:07,901
So you see, you don't need beer
to have a good time.
376
00:17:07,935 --> 00:17:10,540
Join Duffman today in saying,
377
00:17:10,574 --> 00:17:14,738
"I've had enough
of that life-ruining Duff!"
378
00:17:14,780 --> 00:17:16,746
Why the hell
did you do this?
379
00:17:16,780 --> 00:17:18,378
Because Duffman
is a hero.
380
00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:21,209
And with great taste comes
great responsibility.
381
00:17:21,251 --> 00:17:23,982
Well, "hero,"
here come your fans.
382
00:17:24,016 --> 00:17:25,548
(shouting indistinctly)
383
00:17:25,583 --> 00:17:27,148
(yelps)
384
00:17:27,182 --> 00:17:29,221
(engine starts)
So long, suckers!
385
00:17:29,255 --> 00:17:30,517
(laughing maniacally)
386
00:17:34,761 --> 00:17:36,728
What the...?!
387
00:17:36,762 --> 00:17:38,329
So long, suckers!
388
00:17:38,363 --> 00:17:41,137
(Homer laughing maniacally)
389
00:17:41,171 --> 00:17:42,137
What the...?!
390
00:17:42,171 --> 00:17:43,569
It's a circle.
391
00:17:43,603 --> 00:17:45,738
So the answer is--
go in reverse.
392
00:17:45,772 --> 00:17:47,338
So long, suckers.
393
00:17:47,372 --> 00:17:48,642
(Homer laughing maniacally)
394
00:17:48,676 --> 00:17:49,746
What the...?!
395
00:17:49,780 --> 00:17:51,748
I'm not sure
how many more times
396
00:17:51,782 --> 00:17:54,749
we can watch Dad chased down
by an angry crowd
397
00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:56,588
before it affects us
psychologically.
398
00:17:56,622 --> 00:17:58,588
As a family therapist,
I can assure you
399
00:17:58,622 --> 00:18:00,863
that you have
all the coping skills you need.
400
00:18:00,897 --> 00:18:03,099
Why is Lisa talking
to an empty seat?
401
00:18:03,133 --> 00:18:05,100
See you next Tuesday,
Dr. Schulman.
402
00:18:05,134 --> 00:18:06,134
Oh, right.
403
00:18:06,142 --> 00:18:07,868
You're in Maui.
404
00:18:07,910 --> 00:18:08,941
(whimpers)
405
00:18:08,975 --> 00:18:10,448
Hey, my beer.
406
00:18:10,482 --> 00:18:11,514
(screams)
407
00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:14,586
(panting frantically)
408
00:18:14,620 --> 00:18:17,050
(gargling)
409
00:18:17,092 --> 00:18:18,721
Get him back
in uniform.
410
00:18:20,291 --> 00:18:22,258
Hmm.
411
00:18:22,292 --> 00:18:23,658
Homer, now,
listen to me.
412
00:18:23,692 --> 00:18:26,100
You're in a stadium
surrounded by people
413
00:18:26,134 --> 00:18:27,500
who want to kill you.
414
00:18:27,534 --> 00:18:29,636
They don't have the guts.
415
00:18:29,670 --> 00:18:31,063
Ow.
416
00:18:31,097 --> 00:18:33,459
Now, there's one way
out of your hell.
417
00:18:33,501 --> 00:18:35,897
Prove you still
love beer.
418
00:18:35,931 --> 00:18:37,897
Drink this
with gusto.
419
00:18:37,931 --> 00:18:39,432
B-But the chip.
420
00:18:39,466 --> 00:18:40,767
There never was
a chip.
421
00:18:40,801 --> 00:18:43,000
It was all the power
of suggestion.
422
00:18:43,042 --> 00:18:44,438
You tricked me!
423
00:18:44,472 --> 00:18:46,835
And I trusted you
after you snuck up
424
00:18:46,869 --> 00:18:49,466
and injected me
without my consent.
425
00:18:49,508 --> 00:18:51,474
Just drink the beer,
pretty boy.
426
00:18:51,508 --> 00:18:54,778
Whatever you do,
you'll be my hero.
427
00:18:56,212 --> 00:18:58,178
Now you're
pushing it.
428
00:18:58,212 --> 00:19:02,018
Homie, it's
time to go.
429
00:19:02,052 --> 00:19:03,450
Come on, come on.
430
00:19:03,484 --> 00:19:05,489
Give me the beer
inside you!
431
00:19:08,956 --> 00:19:11,932
This place seems
even sadder than before.
432
00:19:11,966 --> 00:19:13,933
Uh, yeah, well, I kind of
gloomed it up a little
433
00:19:13,967 --> 00:19:14,967
while you were gone.
434
00:19:16,168 --> 00:19:18,302
Nothing to see here, sunshine.
435
00:19:18,336 --> 00:19:19,703
(sighs)
436
00:19:19,737 --> 00:19:22,709
(slurring): H-Hey, y-you used
to be Duffman.
437
00:19:22,743 --> 00:19:24,340
Can I get a
picture with you?
438
00:19:24,374 --> 00:19:25,338
(gasps)
439
00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:26,778
I finally made it.
440
00:19:26,812 --> 00:19:28,707
I'm a has-been.
441
00:19:28,749 --> 00:19:30,716
Yeah, I guess you're right.
442
00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:32,749
Ah, let's make it official, eh?
443
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:36,957
Aw...
444
00:19:39,540 --> 00:19:41,242
Oh, yeah.
445
00:19:41,276 --> 00:19:44,241
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
446
00:19:44,275 --> 00:19:46,649
Sir, may I interest you
in a French hazelnut latte
447
00:19:46,683 --> 00:19:48,281
and an Iggy Azalea CD?
448
00:19:48,315 --> 00:19:50,679
I'm not here
for three-buck coffee.
449
00:19:50,713 --> 00:19:53,685
I'm here to ask you
to be Duffman again.
450
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:55,516
And to use
the bathroom.
451
00:19:55,550 --> 00:19:57,147
I don't know what you're
talking about, sir.
452
00:19:57,189 --> 00:19:59,983
Fine, can you tell me
where your travel mugs are?
453
00:20:00,017 --> 00:20:01,183
Yeah, over there.
454
00:20:01,217 --> 00:20:04,022
Come on, Barry,
I know it's you.
455
00:20:04,056 --> 00:20:06,452
Sorry, H.K., I traded
in my beer goggles
456
00:20:06,486 --> 00:20:08,252
for coffee-grinding
pince-Nez.
457
00:20:08,286 --> 00:20:11,090
Are you telling me
you don't miss the big time?
458
00:20:11,124 --> 00:20:13,689
The girls on the side,
the corporate jet?
459
00:20:13,723 --> 00:20:16,256
There's talk
of an animated series.
460
00:20:16,290 --> 00:20:19,865
Duffman would like a job
where he could phone it in.
461
00:20:19,899 --> 00:20:22,168
You just called
yourself Duffman.
462
00:20:22,202 --> 00:20:25,164
Duffman never took off
his tights!
463
00:20:25,198 --> 00:20:26,963
Let's go, girls!
464
00:20:26,997 --> 00:20:29,105
But we're
managers here.
465
00:20:29,105 --> 00:20:32,315
They learned the register
better than me! Oh, yeah!
466
00:20:32,315 --> 00:20:34,281
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
467
00:20:37,534 --> 00:20:40,880
I see it as kind of a-a triumph
of-of doing your work
468
00:20:40,881 --> 00:20:43,183
from that very pure place
469
00:20:43,217 --> 00:20:47,746
of-of just doing stuff
that you, uh, personally enjoy.
470
00:21:33,477 --> 00:21:35,473
Shh!